Oh, by Golly I am Back on Carbs.

Unbelievably, I have begun to reintroduce carbs to my diet. As a consequence, I feel normal again, but nothing is looser. All of my clothes fit me like a big, fat glove.

Back from the Point and one hundred dollars richer. Or, shall I say, "less poor". Speaking of being poor, I found out that while I thought that I was paying a good amount towards my student loan(s) every month, more than half of the money is actually just the interest. I couldn't believe it. What kind of interest rates are we talking about here?! I thought I'd paid off a good chunk since November, but it turns out to be diddly. It's hardly fair, and I'm all for taking responsibility for one's actions. My education didn't even provide me with any new "real world" skills seeing as I was already really smart.

No wonder it's accepted as morally justifiable to cheat the government. Ah, growing up. New discoveries. This is what it's all about, isn't it?

What else? So, it looks like my dreams of not working this summer came true, are coming true, are going to come true. Hurray! Honestly, I feel really guilty about it (at times). But, I am paying for it in the form of not being able to buy new clothes or go out for fancy dinners. I've really had to cut corners when it comes to the finances, and that isn't something I'm, ahem, used to. It's been really tough. As I've mentioned, I have 4 foot roots - AND I'm using OLD MASCARA! Anyway, I promise I'll work an extra couple of months after the original date I set for retirement or something.

Special message for Preet: Are you mad at me???? Please don't hate me because I am a horrible plans breaker, late book returner, and frequent out-of-towner. Call me! Call me if you love me!



(happier times)

I am One with Carbs

Fuck no-carbs. It's over.

Low-carbs: fine (but then it's like smoking, once you start, you can't stop). Anyway, I had pasta for dinner, and then I ate chocolate. And, that's enough about food (and shit, literally). This is getting out of hand.

So...as of tomorrow, I'm back in PR. Bye! I am actually going to be participating in something resembling work on Saturday night. A catering deal. It's $100, which will go towards my roots. My roots are...half my hair. Seriously. My sister has had her hair done three times since I last had mine done. The roots got so bad, they're almost good. I have that little kid brown hair, with sort of scraggly, natural looking blonde ends. Who would have guessed? Anyway, nonetheless, something has to be done.

In a move that I find difficult to properly characterize, I have begun reading...are you ready...children's books.

The changes I'm going through this summer...you wouldn't believe it!

Cut out Carbs and I feel fucking Weird

Unbelievably, I've done it. I've cut out carbs. Well, I haven't done as well as I'd planned, seeing as I drank beer on Monday (in addition to eating wontons and a creamy chip-dip deal). Oh yeah, and on Tuesday, I ate movie popcorn and regular coke. Shit, I forgot about that. Also, I have allowed myself this super high-fibre, weight watchers muffin my mom makes. What else? I haven't been eating sugar-free yogurt, but that's the only sugar I have consumed besides a few sticks of licorice that I found and then maniacally shoved in my mouth after waking up from my nap this afternoon.

That's right, I had to have a nap this afternoon. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I feel weird.

Anyway, so I haven't exactly nixed the carbs completely, for the past week and a half I did cut down considerably, and I have had barely any bread, rice, pasta, baked goods, snack foods or potatoes in comparison to what I normally consume (a fair amount of that crap). Instead, I've basically been eating everything else (except for meat, of course). Anyway, today has been a real doozy. I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

Keep in mind that I have changed my eating habits many, many times. I have been ordinary meat-eater, vegan, lacto vegetarian, ovo-lacto vegetarian, fish eating quasi-vegetarian, severe dieter, non-fat consumer, and cleanser. None of this had barely any affect on me whatsoever. The days passed and although my eating habits changed, nothing much else did. My poo was the same (sorry - oh, except for the cleanse). My energy levels (same thing). My sleeping patterns remained the same. My weight didn't change(for the most part, although I did lose weight as a vegan, but that was also because I went on the 'Fit for Life' diet for a few months. Oooh-try that one if you dare, it works in the weight department. Oh yeah, and of course, on cleanses you drop weight.) Nonetheless, I am fairly rock-like, and I basically remain the same no matter what.

But this low-carb business is bizarre. I have had to resist monstrous cravings today (I could eat a LOAF of bread right now, for instance), and despite the fact that I slept for close to 10 hours last night, I had to go down for a nap this afternoon! I won't even say what happened to me in the bathroom. Gosh.

In conclusion, I don't know how much longer this is going to last!!!

All of my Posts are Sarcastamania.

I'm going to attempt a serious post, if that's even possible for me anymore.

Well, back again. I haven't had access to the Internet for nine days, so I've been spastically checking the blogs and my various email accounts and watching videos on YouTube. I waste a lot of time these days, to be honest. I blame it on the way that I used to employ the Internet, because now I know too much, and therefore I worry that much more, and in order to calm myself I have to avoid sites containing stuff like the news and methods of self-diagnosis for weeks at a time.

Nothing numbs the mind like hours of celebrity gossip. I keep promising myself I'll give it up, but it's like kicking the goddamn cigarettes. I'm frigging hooked. It's funny, though: I love to hate the stars. Is that so wrong? Yes.

I used to look up really fascinating subjects on the Internet (and used it almost exclusively for this purpose) and then immerse myself in them for months at a time. Sometimes, I would even take books out of the library to supplement my "research". For instance, I once became inexplicably drawn to the countries that once comprised the former USSR; Georgia, in particular, but for no particular reason. Although I've never even met anyone from Georgia nor have I been to this region of the world, I came to love and appreciate this country so very much that to this day I still plan to give the name to my first-born daughter - but mainly because I also happen to like how it sounds, and not because of the etymology of the word as it is used in this context. Also, I once met a little English girl called Georgie, and she melted my heart.

I acknowledge the reality that I cannot be sure that I'll ever have (or even want, if push comes to shove) anything that even resembles a "first-born daughter".

Everyone has always said, "don't believe everything you read on the Internet", but come on: I'm not a complete fool. I know what I can begin to trust and what to read with extreme caution. People that offer up this kind of smug, trite warning are usually the ones that are most inclined toward the worst kind of gullibility. For example, I have an aunt, with whom I have not been in contact since childhood, that used to buy the worst rags available at the drugstore: National Enquirer, Star and Globe. I was once in the midst of explaining to her that a very popular musical group I had just seen in concert were most certainly not lip-synching despite what the gossip might lead the public to believe, and I backed myself up with my own careful observation at this concert in addition to an interview I had read in which the topic came up. Completely ignoring my own private investigation into the scandal, she scoffed at me in front of everyone for believing "anything you read", when my entire life I'd watched her eat up the most sensational tabloids with insatiable fervor! I'm still living in this world, my friends.

Regardless, my mind is turning to mush, but I'm a lot less paranoid. I have to be really careful about what I read because it could lead to days, weeks, months, or years of thriving on the same fear. (I have yet to thrive on the same fear for decades - oh, scratch that, I've had a pronounced fear, mind you, varying in intensity, of brain tumour since I read an article about a neurosurgeon in Reader's Digest circa 1988). It's like this: if I come across a dead person's name, and if their cause of death is revealed to me on what my mind takes to be an auspicious day for making grim discoveries, I become convinced that this will also be my demise. For instance, I once came across the obituary of a 34-year-old mother who was suffering from both skin and pancreatic cancer, who died suddenly of a brain aneurysm.

Now how in tarnation does something like that happen, and why on earth did I have to read about it?

For days I was convinced that I had not only skin but pancreatic (FYI: worst kind) cancer, AND that I was about to drop dead of an aneurysm - I had distinct symptoms for all three, so help me God. It was a hellish few days, and yes there can be symptoms for impending aneurysm. It ended suddenly with me vowing that I would never again allow myself the sick pleasure of reading the "recent deaths" section on Wikipedia, no matter how strong the urge. And believe me, I've had to fight the urge more times than I wish to reveal. Anyway, I have to stop talking about this now because I'm developing odd new symptoms in addition to old ones as I type and I may be inclined to Google them any second if I don't move on. Also, for all my fellow sufferers: my most humble encouragement to feel the unfounded fear, whatever it is, and do it anyway.

Afterthought: In reading over this entry, I am now wondering if my skewed logic in terms of my blind belief that I already have or will one day contract whatever illness I read about on certain days of the month actually counts as gullibility. Crap.

Two Weeks.

Wow, I've been unemployed for two weeks now. I can't even remember the last time I browsed the job listings. Rather, I now do "Vinyasa Flow" yoga in addition to Bikram (although I suspect I'm breaking some kind of vital unwritten rule here) AND starting tomorrow, I no longer consume carbs!!! Hurray, happy day. I can't wait for Friday, the day I can say, "I haven't eaten carbs since Sunday", and feel that I've really made some progress with the cutting out of the carbs. (Also, I fear I'll only last five days). Of course, I'm going to eat carbs in the form vegetables and fruit. You know the kind I'm going to cut out. The evil kind. I'm going on an INSANE CRASH DIET AND I'M NOT SCARED TO ADMIT IT. I was going to go on an ALL LIQUID CLEANSE but I don't think I'll be able to pull that off as this is a busy week. Also, I fear I'll consume alcohol this week (although shit, crap, that's carbs right there) and an all-liquid cleanse is more geared towards purging the body and soul of toxicity and conveniently getting thinner in the process, while the no-carb diet is aimed at getting thinner. There's a big difference, my people. Huge. Massive.

Anyway, I have been living out in the country for the past nine days and I got scarily used to it. And speaking of country, it wasn't even this country. It was the other one. Down yonder. The vast land where all the signs are painted red, white and blue. Where the 'h' in 'white' is audible. Where beer is the same price as bottled water.

Um...what else? Oh yes, well, I've found a career! Oh praise be, I've been saved.

Picture Go Up.

Unemployed

I'm so not looking for a job right now it's disturbing. I'm not even pretending to look for the benefit of those that wish to see me take flight w/ some sort of career. Surprisingly, though, I came to some conclusions during yoga today.

My biggest problem as of late is that I can't seem to make a decision on anything. I have all of these foolish-illogical notions of fate or destiny; basically, I'm hesitant to carry through with any major plans in any one direction should my life start to head down the "wrong path". What does that mean, anyway? This is how people drive themselves nuts.

Back to my conclusions: Difficult decisions have to be made! Also, job-hunting officially begins next week. Officially.